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Saturday May 21st, 2011

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12:00 AM

OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING (a work of fiction by Jordan “DJay32” Dooling)

OH MY GOD HELP

WAJ*FSAFSAJF

DUDE WHAT

OH oh oh.. oh.

The sky outside is a bright red. Sorry, I’m not burning. My eyes were just adapting to the motherfucking BURNING RED.

What the fuck is going on?

12:02 AM

I’m outside now. Barefeet, shorts, don’t care. Just wanna know what the fuck’s causing all the ruckus.

Oh, it’s a fire in the distance. I can tell from the firetrucks.

See, Rapture. Bah. Just another scare tactic.

Fuck this shit, I’m going back to my room so I can look up some porn.

1:45 AM

..I swear I could hear an odd noise. What the fuck? It sounds like pitter-patter. Little feet.

It’ll just be my brother Adam going down to the kitchen. He always does this this late.

I’ll go with him. Talk to him about the fires.

1:50 AM

I’m hiding in the bathroom.

I think that.. that thing’s still out there. What the FUCK. It was little. And it was human. Well, more like humanoid. But it itoh my god, I think it was thnononono, no, don’t even SAY it, that’s stupid.

It was pale white, it was crawling on its arms and knees, and its eyes were staring into my soul. ..no, that’s wrong. I have no soul. Its eyes were just very… powerful.

1:53 AM

I.. I think I heard it go downstairs. I’m gonna peek.

1:54 AM

OH MY GOD THAT HURT OH MY GOD THAT HURT OH MY GOD THAT HURT

2:00 AM

Okay. I’ve been here in this bathroom for a really long time now. I can’t just sit here and do nothing while the R while that thing crawls around my house. It’s already given me a bad gash across my leg with its claws. I think I’m gonna get mad. I don’t want your lemons, Rake. That’s right, I’m making a goddamn Portal 2 joke, and I’m calling it that. If it looks like a Rake, it probably is The Rake, the internet creepypasta creature with a weird name. And now? I’m charging out this door, and I’m gonna have a fistfight with that thing.

2:02 AM

Okay, gotta wait for the right time. I think I hear it coming up to the door. Three… two… one… EAT SHIT, RAKE

2:10 AM

I think my wounds are starting to heal up now. I made it back to my room, at least. I was able to sucker the fucker in the jaw. I think I made it bleed. You know what they say, boys… if it bleeds, we can kill it. Fuck yeah. ….The Leet World, 2007. Or maybe it was from something else.

Now, you know what they say about The Rake? They say it’s the embodiment of our fears of… uh.. something or other. I can’t remember anymore; fucker got me in the head, got a bit of a headache. But still. If this fucker’s the embodiment of fear, then I think I should try not showing any goddamn fears.

I just spat blood onto the floor. That was both badass and pretty terrifying. I have another idea, to boost morale. Does electricity still work? ..of course it does, this isn’t really the Rapture.

Yeah, good, TV works. Good. Let’s put on a little music. A little prog. Let’s put on, uh… shit, that’s a good question. I have a lot of music, and a lot of it’s really awesome. I need good battle music. …STOP ROARING, RAKE, I’LL BE WITH YOU IN A SECOND. Hm. Genesis’ Nursery Cryme? Nah, need something better. Mastodon’s Blood Mountain? I need MUSIC, not just jamming. ……Dream Theater. Train of Thought or Black Clouds & Silver Linings? They’re both pretty epic. …Train of Thought.

“As I Am’s” on. Good. Okay, Rake! I’m ready for our close-up now.

I.. should get a better weapon than just my fists. I mean, if I don’t want to die. Um. Let’s see. Pencil? Big book? God, these things suck.

..guitar controller?

3:00 AM

The battle was long and arduous. I think I’m missing a toe now. How about The Rake? Oh, I think he’s missing a head now, motherfucker. Well okay, so he still has a head, but now it’s mashed like potatoes!

..that was a stupid simile for such a gruesome action. o___e

I’ve barricaded the front and back doors, and the windows don’t look like they’re going to be broken anytime soon. I’m gonna tell Facebook what’s going on.

3:04 AM

THE FUCKING RAKE JUST ATTACKED ME, THE SKY IS RED AND I AM SCARED.

I wonder if anyone will see my status as just an ironic comment. Eh, hopefully not.

3:30 AM

MOTHERFUCKING COCKROACH THAT THING’S THE SIZE OF MY HEAD

Fuck my fears. Okay? Fuck. My. Fears. It’s just you and me, cockroach. You’re going down.

3:33 AM

God, I’m tired. Starting to fall asleep.

sllee pn.ow

9:42 AM

I woke up this morning feeling something licking my hand. Thought it was my cat Oscar, so I petted its head. It ran off, then my eyes cracked open when I remembered I haven’t seen Oscar since I was in America last August.

I looked out the window and I could see only beige. What kind of Rapture is this?

I’m here now, writing in my little diary. Journal. Thing. I just saw a spider the size of my foot. I think it had two heads. Might have been green.

10:18 AM

I’ve been speaking with my friends over the internet. Spoke to Danny, Fentzy, and Anna. They’re three of the people I speak to the most anymore. I don’t think every country’s getting this “Rapture” thing, because Danny and Anna thought I was joking, and Fentzy mentioned a Rapture but I think she was joking.

I don’t know if this “End Of The World As We Know It” gig is true or not, religious shit or what-have-you, but I do know that something strange is going on in England. And I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me.

10:31 AM

My stomach is aching. I’m so hungry. I’m going to look around the house now.

10:35 AM

IN THE KITCHEN

10:36 AM

OH GOD IT’S CHASING ME

10:37 AM

WHERE IS IT WHERE’D IT GO WHERE IS IT WHERE’D IT GO

10:38 AM

I think it’s gone. I’m going to risk writing. I have no idea what that thing was. I remember some bits of orange and blue. It looked like some kind of.. spidercat. Eight cat-legs, six cat-eyes. Big tail. GI(DGH*(FSDJAsd

10:40 AM

MY ROOM MY ROOM ITS MOUTH OPENS THE WRONG WAY

10:45 AM

Okay. I shut the door on it, I’ve barricaded my door. I hear it chirping its demonic meows, its eight legs kneading against the wall. I left my guitar controller in my room. I can’t keep being unprepared like this. First The Rake, now this spidercat. I need a weapon.

10:48 AM

EAT SHIT AND DIE

10:50 AM

BACK DEVIL BIRDS

10:51 AM

Okay. Okay. I ran into my room, I grabbed the nearest blunt object I could find, and I caved in that fucker’s skull. Its legs were still crawling around without a head, so I smashed them again and again until they stopped. I didn’t mean to be so barbaric. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe this really is Rapture. Maybe it’s affecting my mind.

I can see out my window now.

I just realized what my blunt object is. It’s Adam’s arm. Where the fuck is the rest of him? ..I’m not even going to look in his room, oh my god. Fuck this shit, fuck this shit, fuck this shit oh my god. I need to keep Tiger Stripes with me at all times. That is, the guitar. The.

..who am I talking to.

10:53 AM

Sorry, Tiger Stripes. Looks like you’re gonna be shredding a different type of lick today. Looks like we’re really going Through the Fire and Flames.

11:10 AM

I spent the past twenty minutes on the internet.

I have a thread. On TVTropes. They’ve been giving me so much help throughout the past several months. Today, we discussed my options. A lot of the people on there thought I was joking, so they just suggested praying and aiming for the head. One person even suggested the double-tap. I’ll keep it in mind. There were a couple of people who I could tell knew I was serious. They suggested going to my nearest store, stocking up on food. Staying away from my family. They didn’t need to tell me that last one. I’ve made a habit of it by now.

I told Fentzy, in case I didn’t make it out of this, that I loved her. She thought I was joking.

11:11 AM

I grabbed Tiger Stripes, put on my trilby, my slendercoat, my purple scarf, my sunglasses, and I began unbarricading the front door. As I stepped out into Rapture, I made my 11:11 wish.

I wished my heart would stop beating. I dunno.

11:12 AM

My neighbourhood is deserted. The cars are all either gone or broken beyond repair. I can hear screaming and sounds I can’t recognize off in the far distance. The sky is a bright red. The sun is not right.

I’m holding my guitar controller close to my chest. 

This neighbourhood’s got at least seven cats.

11:13 AM

I’m out of the neighbourhood.

11:15 AM

I’ve made it up to the high street. There are no cars. Off in the distance, I think I can see something moving. Something huge. What the hell?

..it’s humanoid. I’m running to Tesco now.

11:18 AM

Almost there. What was that roar I heard just now?

11:20 AM

Oh dear sweet god.

11:21 AM

ZOMBIES MOTHERFUCKING ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE

11:25 AM

Tesco is overrun with the undead. Tiger Stripes is holding its weight surprisingly well, but my arm’s aching from whacking everyone.

11:30 AM

Oh fuck yes. A trolley. It’s time to kick some ass.

11:40 AM

I just spent ten minutes rolling down the aisles, jamming my guitar controller into every head I could find. This is fun.

These guitars are really built for blows, aren’t they?

12:00 PM

Okay, it’s time to stock up on food.

12:23 PM

I’m on my way back now. I’ve got tons of soda, tons of crisps, quite a lot of Pot Noodles, and a LOT of sausage rolls. Bring it on, motherfuckers.

12:26 PM

The high street is too quiet.

12:27 PM

MOTHERFUCKER

12:30 PM

OH GOD PLEASE RUN RUN UJRSJ(_AFSHA RUN RUN HELP RUN RUN

12:33 PM

FUCK IT’S FAST

12:34 PM

OH GOD IT GOT A POT NOODLE

12:38 PM

Did I lose it? Where is it?

12:40 PM

Okay, I’ve been hiding out behind this house for a while. I think it’s safe.

12:42 PM

I just realized, why am I even going back to my house? That’s not exactly a safe place. I’ll take this house here.

12:45 PM

It seems deserted. There’s a basement, but I’m not going in there; I locked the door instead. This place has a big-ass computer, fast internet. The kitchen’s full of food, too.

12:50 PM

Looking out the window now. I can’t see the fuckers anymore.

The fuckers are big. Twenty feet tall, and way wider and longer. They’re humanoid.. but they have no legs. It’s just a torso with arms and a head. No face. Their skin is beige. One of the fuckers was chasing me. I hate the fucking Big Ones. That’s what I’m calling them now.

12:52 PM

I hear something.

It sounds like.. Mastodon’s “The Czar.” What the hell?

Where’s it coming from?

12:53 PM

I’ve traced the sound. It’s coming from the basement. I’m going to check it out.

12:54 PM

This.. what is this? This is a really long staircase.

12:57 PM

God, am I not at the bottom yet?

1:00 PM

Fuck it. I’m turnfkfu9njg9dfghs

..I turned around. The top of the staircase is right there. I’ve been going down for six minutes, though! What the hell?

1:01 PM

This isn’t the house. Where am I?

1:03 PM

This is a bunker. I’m in a bomb shelter. This doesn’t make any sense. I’m keeping Tiger Stripes close.

1:05 PM

“The Czar” has stopped. I never did like that song all that much. Too much repetition.

1:06 PM

There’s a big door here, a steel door. I can’t budge it.

1:08 PM

I whacked it with Tiger Stripes, just once, and it just fell apart.

Behind it is a huge.. maze. I can see nothing but colours. It’s cold here. The walls extend as high as I can look.

1:11 PM

MOTHERFU

Okay. Hi. Right. The floor caved in. Now I’m.. somewhere. Lemme find out.

1:12 PM

This appears to be a floating platform in an endless void of nothingness. The floor is grass. There is a light in the floor.

1:14 PM

I looked over the edge of this platform. There appears to be a platform below it. I’m gonna try to drop to it.

1:15 PM

Okay. The platform below was also grass. There seems to be a gap in the floor in the centre of the platform. Looking down, it goes down a great ways, but I think I see water down there. I think the water will break my fall. I’m going for it.

1:16 PM

COCKSUCKING FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Okay, it turns out water may break your fall sorta kinda, but it still fucking hurts like hell. I think I broke my leg. Oh god, ow ow ow. ..no, I think I just sprained it. I’m gonna.. I’m gonna rest here, on this ground.

1:20 PM

I’ve rested long enough. God, when will this crazy-ass journey end? I hate Rapture.

Whoa. I’ve found a giant wall of bricks, extending pretty high. It’s just one wall, though; the rest of the walls are all completely black.

1:25 PM

I don’t get it. What am I supposed to do? Just rot here? Wait for something? Hit a brickj89er9r7h FUCK RFDJ89F OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

1:27 PM

Ohhh my god. I.. I don’t think my mind could even remotely comprehend what that thing was. It….. it looked like a giant screaming face. I mean GIANT. Bigger than the wall of bricks. It was charging towards me, so I dived out of the way and.. now I’m somewhere completely different.

1:32 PM

Okay, this is a building, that’s for sure. I’m in a big building. I’m not even questioning it at this point. I’m just wondering what kinda Rapture this is.

1:37 PM

Oh god, finally, a couch. I’m gonna.. I’m gonna have a lie-down. I’m exhausted.

4:01 PM

I heard a noise. It sounded like.. voices. Gonna check it out.

4:02 PM

It’s coming from this big steel door. It’s closed. I hear voices from behind it.

4:03 PM

I opened the door. As soon as I did, the voices stopped. This is a cafeteria. It’s completely deserted.

Fuck, I’m thirsty. We got any drinks?

4:10 PM

Turns out there’s tons of food and drink here. Good. What else is in this building?

4:12 PM

The basement. Checking it out.

4:13 PM

This is a room filled with file cabinets. Pretty big ones, too. I wonder what’s inRJ()EaI

..body parts. Body parts in every cabinet. Fuck. This. Shit.

4:16 PM

Uh.. I can’t find my way out. In fact, now I can’t see anything but file cabinets.

4:20 PM

OH MY GOD THE CEILING IS A GIANT FILE CABINET WHERE THE FUCK AM I

4:27 PM

Okay. You have got to be joking. I swear, this is the way I came. Like, I literally just came from this way. So why is there suddenly a file cabinet blocking the path? What is this, I don’t even.

4:40 PM

RAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURE

SMILEFORTHELAMB

4:50 PM

I lost my journal. Turns out it was in the first file cabinet I opened. I’m lost.

4:53 PM

I hear voices. Who’s there?

4:59 PM

FUCK WHAT IS THAT OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT IS THAT THING FUCK FUCK NO IT’S GOT MY JOURNAL LET GO LET GO

5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM 5:00 PM

RAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURE

FEARTHEDAYTHEYFALLFROMHEAVEN

5:01 PM

I got my journal back. That thing’s covered in red hair. That.. that thing. That grabbed my journal. It’s just a mass, a writhing mass of red hair. It’s giant, oh my god, it’s giant. It’s creepy. It ran away.

5:03 PM

MOTHERFUC

I fell through the floor. I’m.. wait, what? Now I’m back in that.. couch room. Fuck it, I’m going back to sleep.

5:45 PM

WHAT THE WHO’S THERE huh. No one’s here.

..the TV’s on now. Jesus’ face is on. Goodie, the Jesus Springer Show. Fuck it, I’m looking around.

5:46 PM

…I left this room. I JUST LEFT THIS ROOM. I walked out the door. Now I’m back in. Look, there’s the TV, right there. But I just left this room. What. The FUCK.

..there’s a door. In the floor. Dare I open it?

5:47 PM

I fall

down

the streets

I see myself reflected everywhere, in every window, in every brick. Faces staring at me, and they’re all me.

Trilbies scattering down paths, scarves dissolving down doors, Guitar Hero controllers being scrutinized by whatever beings hide behind my coloured shadows.

5:48 PM

There’s something solid forming in the air.

Is that a black guitar?

I see it, but I’m not the only one. A faceless gentleman, being led down the prison block to his cold cell, fills the room, is reflected everywhere, and is fully aware of everything in here. Does he see me?

5:49 PM

I see seven secret sentences written on the walls. I hear the laughter of seven children. I feel seven cathedrals prepare for the end. The Neonate leaves for his Tower, The Knights prepare as Rapture is coming. The Harlot and The Beast begin their game of cat and mouse.

A book closes, and the only memory I have of these lies on the page I just wrote.

5:50 PM

A concert of zombies shudder as Peter Gabriel sings.

“Wonder women, you can draw your blind.

Don’t look at me, I’m not your kind.

I’M RAEL!”

5:51 PM

WHERE THE HELL AM I let me try to gather my thoughts.

I see… trees. But I’m in a car. I’m.. in the backseat of a car. We’re driving through a forest. “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” is playing on the radio. The sky is a darker red. Who’s driving?

5:52 PM

Gather your thoughts, gather your thoughts. It’s a giant.. uh.. it’s.. like.. a Cockroach Jesus. A cockroach. With Jesus’ head. I daren’t speak up.

image

5:53 PM

I spoke up. I asked who he was, what was happening. He said we’re finally going to Rapture. I asked who he was. He said we’re finally going to Rapture. I asked what he meant. He said we’re finally going to Rapture.

The doors are locked.

5:56 PM

I’m going to go out with it: I’m scared. I am, I really am. I have no idea what’s going on. I guess the world really is ending. I guess I’m going to Hell.

(The next several pages are filled with barely intelligible ramblings of Jordan’s life and how he wishes it didn’t have to end like this)

5:59 PM

Forgive me, dad.

6:00 PM

RAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURE

JESUSSAVES

6:30 PM

Everything.

Everything.

Everything.

In its right place.

In its right place.

In its right place.

6:34 PM

I never grow tired of that song. I found this journal here on the roadside. All the previous pages have been torn out. Works for me! I can’t find my old journal, though. I think I left it in that car. I think Cockroach Jesus has got it. I got the door open, by the way. And I just dived out. Don’t think he noticed.

I don’t even have Tiger Stripes anymore! .___.

6:36 PM

Walking along the road. I can still hear Genesis playing.

6:40 PM

Oh god, Cockroach Jesus RUN

6:43 PM

I’m hiding behind a tree. I went as deep into the forest as I thought I had to. I don’t know if Cockroach Jesus is still chasing me or not.

6:44 PM

RAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERWAJI)RWFAJI)

6:45 PM

RUN

6:50 PM

MOTHERFUCKER’S STILL CHASING ME

6:53 PM

Oh god, I’m getting tired of running. REALLY tired. I’m waiting here, behind this tree. Catching my breath.

6:54 PM

Is he still there?

7:00 PM

I’m at the roadside. Made it to the roadside. …oh, hello, Cockroach Jesus’ car.

7:01 PM

Uh.. I think we’ve hit a problem. I don’t know how to drive.

…fuck it, that’ll just make it more fun.

7:02 PM

I just hit someone oh my god

7:03 PM

It was just Cockroach Jesus, fuck him, let’s drive.

7:15 PM

I’m surprised that I haven’t crashed yet. I’m also surprised that this forest is still going. This place is huge. And the road rarely turns; I’ve just been driving straight all this time.

7:19 PM

I turned the radio on, expecting more Genesis. I got Skillet. Fucking Christians.

7:29 PM

Oh hello, light at the end of the forest. Where are we n… oh my god.

7:31 PM

Sorry. Uh. Just been sitting here, staring. We seem to have found a town. A small town. Filled with people. Except they’re not people like we’d normally call them. They’re… light-green. Naked. Yes, even the women.

They’re all standing, staring at me. ..I’m.. I’m gonna get out of the car.

7:38 PM

The townfolk are really nice. They took me in, took me to a restaurant, and are getting me some food as of this entry.

7:40 PM

The waitress’ fingers were little trees.

7:43 PM

This sausage roll is delicious, oh my god. But the drink goes right through me. Brb!

7:45 PM

Run.

7:46 PM

Okay, I thought about it, and I have no idea why the hell I wrote “brb” on mWAIT. “Run.” That’s.. who wrote that?

7:47 PM

The townsfolk are all staring at me again. I’m going to take my own journal’s advice. I’m going to get out of here. I’m going to take this sausage roll with me, and then I’m going to get out of here.

7:49 PM

Where’s my car?

7:50 PM

All the townspeople are gathered in their little buildings. They’re all standing at the windows, staring at me.

7:51 PM

Seriously, where is my car, this place is giving me the creeps.

7:52 PM

There are some people on the roofs. They’re all staring at me.

7:53 PM

Why the hell are they all staring at me? Why isn’t anyone moving? What the hell is going on?

I hear a faint rumble. From underground. Fuck it, I’m leaving on foot.

7:54 PM

Fuck, where’d the exit go? There’s suddenly a building there.

The rumble is getting louder.

7:55 PM

All the exits are blocked off by sudden buildings. The townspeople are all still staring at me, perfectly still.

The rumble gets louder and louder.

7:57 PM

The rumble sounds like it’s just below my feet now.

THE SKY IS TURNING BLACK

FUCK FUCK OW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FEET JUMP JUMP

SMASHED WINDOW

MOVE

CAR

DRIVE

8:00 PM

Okay. I think I’ve driven far enough. I think I’m safe. That.. is not an easy thing to describe. It felt like the rumble was drilling into my feet, so I jumped, I smashed a window open, I fucking found my car, and I drove off into the sunset. ..well, it’s not a sunset. It’s hard to describe. It’s just.. dark red.

8:15 PM

I finally hit the edge of the forest. ..oh my god. There are these giant.. bats. Flying around in the red skies. Cawing. Hasn’t Rapture ended yet? It’s well past six o’ clock!

Wait. The guy who announced the end of the world lives in Florida. It doesn’t get six there until.. another three hours! Fuck.

This is gonna be a long night.

8:35 PM

I’ve been driving for miles. Not a town nor a soul in sight. Occasionally, I’ll see a crashed car or a dead body, but I don’t stop. Y’know, I don’t think I’ve even seen a road sign in forever.

8:42 PM

Road sign ahead.

“Hell, 20 miles.

Ashford, 40 miles.

Sunbury, 43 miles.”

Oh boy.

8:56 PM

Hell’s coming up in a couple minutes.

9:99 PM

That’s what the car’s clock says. I think I’m in Hell now. ….oh, “999,” “666,” very clever.

Funny. I don’t see any town nearOH DEAR GOD THERE’S A TARANTULA ON THE DASHBOARD RUN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR THE DOOR’S LOCKED OH GOD Well, it’s just sitting there. On the dashboard. Is it aliOHGOD IT TURNED AROUND OHHHH GOD I CAN SEE ITS EYES IT’S SO CREEPY OH MY GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK TURN AROUND AGAIN PLEASEThank you. ..uh.. what’s your name?

Holy fuck, it talked. It said “Ben.” Well, uh.. hi, Ben. Wanna sit in the passenger seat for me? Thank you.

..the clock still says 9:99 PM.

Ben, you know where we are?

..”Hell.” Gee, thanks for that.

..I’m sure a couple of minutes have passed. Still says 9:99 PM.

Say, Ben. You seem awfully familiar. You remind me of my childhood friend, Ben Hamilton.

Holy shit, this is Ben Hamilton. No way. I asked him how he became a bug, but he didn’t speak. …how’d you become a bug?

There we go, he responds to my writing it. ..oddly enough. He says it came with the Rapture. But the Rapture won’t start ‘til 11! …okay, he corrected himself. It came with the day of Rapture. Right, that makes sense. ..how the fuck did you get to England? ..you don’t know either? Huh.

Clock’s still 9:99 PM.

We’ve hit a town. Is this Ashford? No, this is still Hell. Right. Y’know, besides the whole tarantula thing, Hell ain’t that bEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR BEAR DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE OHHH GOD WE’RE OUT OF GAS MAKE A RUN FOR IT BEN

BEN? BEEEEN?! …Ben’s being torn apart by the bear. Oh god, it’s tearing every limb apart. Ooh, the inside of the car is covered in tarantula blood. Oh god, that’s gruesome. …I should probably run.

The clocks around the town all say 9:99 PM.

I stopped inside a library.

The bear seems to be WHAT THE FUCK. It’s transforming into OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING. That’s a that’s a that’s a THAT’S A GIANT ANGEL WITH FOUR EYES, FOUR ARMS, AND WHAT THE FUCK NOW IT HAS NO EYES WHAT IT’S THE SLENDER ANGEL IT’S THE SLENDER MAN JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING.

It’s like the slender man, but it’s also not like the slender man.

I’m going to call it the Eldritch Bear.

The clocks are still frozen at 9:99 PM.

The Eldritch Bear is chargING AT THE LIBRARY OH FUCK

GLASS EVERYWHERE OH GOD IT’S IN MY SPRAINED LEG FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

THE ELDRITCH BEAR IS STOMPING I CAN FEEL IT STOMPING OH GOD I CAN’T LOOK

10:02 PM

I was saved.

No, not like “Rapture” saved. I mean some guy came along and saved my ass. Like a deus ex machina. He was a man in a blue business suit. Pale skin. Yes, he had a face. He had a buzzcut and creepy green eyes. He was carrying a briefcase. I looked up from where I was lying, and the Eldritch Bear was gone. Instead, the creepy man was there.

The clock says something not stupid now. Rapture is in an hour.

I’d best start walking if I want to make it back home.

10:08 PM

My fucking leg is starting to really hurt. I’m out of Hell. Now I’m just walking along the road. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it before Rapture gets here.

10:12 PM

I can’t believe it. A car came along. A car. Full of other atheists. They let me on and now we’re driving.

10:19 PM

I got to know the other survivors. There’s Chuck BerryRodney DangerfieldBill Maher, and Sandra Bullock. …they’re code names, of course. They said they don’t quite know how all this shit started happening, but they know something big’s going down at 11. “Rapture.”

10:21 PM

We’re passing through Ashford now. Sunbury’s next. God, there are so many zombies out there.

10:24 PM

OH DEAR GOD

10:26 PM

IT JUST HIT ME WITH A POT NOODLE

10:31 PM

FUCKING NO SANDRA

10:35 PM

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

10:36 PM

It was a Big One. It was a motherfucking Big One. It stepped into the road in front of us and stared us right in the eyes with its lack thereof. The others opened the doors and I understood what I had to do: Run like hell. So I fucking did. And it chased me. Sandra.. Sandra distracted it for me. So I could get away. Now I’m hiding out in a butcher shop.

10:39 PM

I think it’s gone. Let me check.

Yes, it’s gone.

..motherfucking hell.

10:40 PM

THAT BUTCHER SHOP WAS FILLED WITH HUMAN HEADS FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

10:43 PM

SUNBURY, I made it. I made it. Okay, I’m close to home now. I can’t remember why the hell I’m going home, but I get the feeling I had a good reason.

10:48 PM

My time’s running out. Fuck. I’m not nearly close enough. I’m gonna start running.

10:55 PM

Oh god, it hurts to run, my leg.

10:58 PM

And with my dying breath, I heave a sigh of relief that at least I didn’t die without fucking Sandra Bullock.

10:59 PM

…..fuck, okay, that was such a cheap lie.

11:00 PM

RAPTURERAPTURERAPTURERAPTUREOW

Fuck, that hurt. ..wait, what? Tiger Stripes! TIGER STRIPES! YOU CAME BACK TO ME! And hit me in the head! Please don’t do that ever again, ohhh my favourite X-Plorer guitar controller, Tiger Striiiipes, I missed youuuuuuu, ahahaha! ..but.. where’d you fall from? The sky? ..the sky is bright red again.

I’m getting close to home.

11:05 PM

It’s oddly quiet. I’m keeping Tiger Stripes so close.

11:09 PM

Okay, I’ve made it to my neighbourhood. We’re pretty much home free, Tiger Stripes.

I think we can take this part slowly.

11:10 PM

Y’know, for a total Rapture, End-Of-The-World scenario, this isn’t half-bad. I could get used to this. I could get very used to this.

11:11 PM

Okay, I know it’s actually 23:11 and all, but I’m gonna make a wish anyway. I wish I had a girlfriend.

Could you imagine that? The world might end with me remainingOh hey, my house is pretty close.

11:12 PM

…hello, eight spidercats! <:D

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  1. blindrapture posted this