Oh my god, I’m sleeping a lot.
C’mon, Jordan. We don’t want to sleep too much. You never know what the fuck’ll happen if we sleep too much.
Let’s get a move on.
Lloret’s close. I should be there by 11.
Well, I’m in.
..what the fuck, blue sky?
There’s a blue sky here.
I’m keeping my crowbar close.
This whole town looks completely normal. Blue sky, perfectly well-kept buildings, clean streets, lots of people around, normal people…
I swear I just heard someone whisper “el bufon blanco.”
People are looking at me.
Fuck. They’re all looking at me.
I’m going down this alley.
I was expecting something like getting mugged or something.
This is much worse.
The sky is red again, the streets are scattered with puddles of blood, I hear cawing in every direction, gunshots and screams in various, and just.. oh my god.
The buildings are torn apart.
I think I just left a rabbit hole. I didn’t realize I was in one.
Graffiti on the walls. Everyone loves graffiti.
…fuck, a lot of it’s in Spanish.
Well, there’s some English.
“WHERE ARE YOUR SLCEMS NOW, PUTAS?”
“HELL FROM THE SKIES” That sounds like a Pantera album.
“COLD BOY” And that sounds like a Lady Gaga song.
“CONVOCATION IS CAWS” ”Convocation.” The Thunderbirds are the Convocation, apparently.
“WHAT DID DOCTOR CLOUD DISCOVER IN THE GENERA?” Well, that’s cryptic.
“DRAW A STAIRWAY FOR MY GOD AND ASSEMBLE ALL MY FAITH” …what? xD
”^ UHH WHAT” Haha, exactly!
“^THE WORDS OF JOHN PETRUCCI.” ..what? o_o
”^ WHEN DID HE SAY THAT, THAT SOUNDS RETARDED.” I’m not even gonna mention “The Count of Tuscany.” >__>
”^ IN THE PRESENCE OF ENEMIES, NEWFAG.” …what. o__o Since when?
”^ YOU’RE THE NEWFAG; THE LINE IS ‘DO I STILL WAIT FOR MY GOD AND A SYMBOL OF MY FAITH,’ JACKASS.” Yeah! ..wait. …yeah!
Oh my god, “Draw a stairway for my God” is written all over by different handwritings below. These guys are such trolls. xD
“WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF JOHN PETRUCCI, SATCH BOOGIE ROCKS.” …oh my god. xD
”^ YEAH, BUT WHICH ONE IS PINK?” Fucking comedy geniuses. Respect, man.
“EL BUFON BLANCO AQUI” Aqui. I don’t know what aqui means.
“THE CHURCH IS SAFE” Ah! A lead! Okay, gotta find the church, then.
“Draw a stairway for my God” is written everywhere now, oh my god. That first guy must feel like a real idiot.
I have no idea where the church is. And there is a lot of blood around here.
I had to hide. It was a group of people with shotguns. I heard some of them mention me— that is, “el bufon blanco.”
I also heard one mention “el rio,” and “el iglesia.” Now, those happen to be words I actually know. “El iglesia’s”… okay, it’s either ice cream, England, or a church. But I’m pretty sure those people would be talking about a church, so I think it’s probably that. “El rio,” when not talking about the town or Duran Duran, is.. uh… either a casino or a river. I think.
So I just have to look for a casino or a river, and I’ll.. probably.. figure it out.
Holy goddamn Hoover Dam.
That’s a river, alright. There’s a river of blood here.
I’m guessing this river used to be a street. A big street.
I see strip clubs down there.
I’m not supposed to cross this river, am I?
Graffiti outside this pizza shop.
“CHURCH ON THE OTHER SIDE OF RIVER”
Fuuuuuuuuuck, me and my big mouth.
…“DRAW A STAIRWAY FOR MY GOD.”
That never ceases to make me smile.
Alright. How the hell am I gonna cross this river?
..how deep is it?
ji90eff Huh, I can just wade across.
So I’ll do that.
Oh my god I hate thisrsfj90 OH GOD
THERE’S A FUCKING
…I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS
BUT WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S FAR DOWN THE RIVER AND COMING THIS WAY
THIS IS A BIG RIVER
Oh my god that’s a Minotaur.
There’s a fucking Minotaur coming after me.
DUDE OH GOD
…IT’S STILL AFTER ME, RUN
IN THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER
THE BUILDINGS ARE A MAZE OH GOD HELP
I didn’t even enter an alley. I’m just back in a rabbit hole.
..people everywhere looking at me fuuuuuck.
And my pants are soaked in blood at the bottom.
And I’m carrying a crowbar.
I look extremely suspicious.
Yeaaaah, I’m just gonna walk into this building here, stop looking at me.
RED SKY, I’ve never been so happy to see you.
Oh hey, graffiti.
“CHURCH THIS WAY”
“ALSO WATCH OUT FOR THE MINOTAUR” Oh hey, thanks for the warning.
..I can hear the Minotaur trotting nearby.
“CHURCH ->” Okay, I think I should be able to make it if it stays this easy.
It’s just DJay in the Minotaur’s Maze.
With a crowbar.
And okay, I just.. what. There are several different alleys and footpaths to go down, and no sign to let me know where to go.
..I hear the Minotaur coming.
I need to make a decision.
This was a rabbit hole. Fuck that, going back.
OH HELLO MINOTAUR I WAS JUST, UH… GOING INTO THIS RABBIT HOLE!
Okay, so much for that.
It looks like it’s DJay in the Minotaur’s Rabbit Hole Maze.
With a crowbar.
Let’s fucking do this, into this building.
Great, more paths.
Let’s take a left.
Rabbit hole, four directions. Let’s go forward.
Still rabbit hole. Five directions. Uh.. right.
Lloret, three directions. Left.
Still Lloret, oh my god. Seven directions, and I can hear trotting coming from somewhere, but the echo in this place… I can’t figure it out.
I’m at the seaside. No churches here, but I see some strings on the beach. Not approaching ‘em, no way. There’s gotta be at least a couple dozen paths back into town from here, so which one will I pick?
Rabbit hole! ..four choices. Left, forward, up or down.
Let’s go down, deeper into the rabbit hole.
..this is a forest. Trees surround me; I can go anywhere from here.
I hear some rustling from the right, so fuck that shit, let’s go left.
…random wall. Back.
c,old whoa hi, uh.. it’s the little kid. From Berga.
The kid doesn’t know how to get back; I asked him. I also asked if he wanted to come along with me, as I do intend on finding my way out.
He didn’t answer. He just started reciting “Old King Cole.”
I don’t like “Old King Cole.” I grew up listening to Genesis’ “The Musical Box,” which had an excerpt from it before cutting back to the main song, and I’m still so used to that. The real version of the nursery rhyme just looks off to me as a result.
The kid’s following me.
He looks cold. But it’s pretty warm here.. wherever we are.
I asked him where we are. He said “Xanadu.” o.o Like the Rush song?
He wants to get out of here. I told him I did too.
I just took four rights.
But I’m in a different place.
Oh my goodness, there’s a ladder.
..the kid’s gone.
Fuck it, I’m going up this ladder.
I’m back in the Minotaur’s Maze.
I hear stomping very nearby.
Left, right, or forwards?
BACKWARDS BACKWARDS BACKWARDS
UP THIS FUCKING STAIRCASE
OH GOD DEAD-END.
Minotaur Minotaur Minotaaauurrr.
…bring it on.
Got him in the eye, now I’m running again oh god!
Leeeeeft I hear him
Forward forward left forward
Right forward right backward left forward
Up this staircase
There’s a woman on a motorbike. She’s driving by, I’m hiding.
..Minotaur just got fucking shot in the face.
Oh my god, the Minotaur’s dead.
The girl on the bike is telling me I can come out now.
Says to call her I-330.
I-330 told me I should turn back now. She said the church is just up ahead, but they’re not gonna let me in. In fact, I’m gonna get shot on sight. Because I’m el bufon blanco; The White Jester.
Fucking “Jester;” “bufon’s” a false cognate.
I asked why the White Jester’s a bad thing. She said I’m a terrorist and a murderer. I’m “the worst of the Harlequin’s pets,” because I’m after very high figures in the resistance. I tried to explain that I don’t have a choice, and she said I do; I can choose to fight back.
She didn’t let me reply. “Just.. watch out. I’d turn back if I were you, White Jester.”
Right before she drove off, I asked if she knew what Rapture was.
She looked at me. She looked ready to cry. She said “Yes.” I asked what, and she just said “It’s coming.” Then she drove off.
So I’m the White Jester. The resistance hates me, wants me dead.
Maybe I really shouldn’t go to the church.
…but then again, maybe I should. If they won’t let me in, I’ll look elsewhere for Rimara.
Oh my god, that’s a huge church.
The towers are colourful. Or maybe that’s just blood.
..I’m gonna knock on the door and ask to be let in.
It didn’t work for Solid Snake, but it might work for me.
Maybe nobody’s home HI HI
I asked to be let in, they asked who I am. I asked who they thought. He said “George Jetson.” What a card.
So I just said “Jordan Dooling.” They’re thinking it over now.
..they’re letting me in.
This’ll be the first time in my entire life that I’ve set foot in a church.
…it’s a tarp.
Hello, Gregori Rimara.
I’m raising my crowbFUCKER WHERE ARE YOU GOING
FUCK He’s going out to the streets, the maze of streets.
WAIT, I NEED TO KILL YOU!
Fuckerrrrrr oh my god.
I must have killed, like, a whole squad of rebels, but I can’t catch up to Gregori.
This isn’t a trap or something?
GOT HIM, oh my god.
I spotted him, stuck my crowbar out, and I got him.
Okay, uh… huh. He’s dead, alright.
Yeah, you can’t get much deader than that. Blunt object at high speeds to the head.
I’m getting the fuck out of this crazy town.
Motorbikes can go through rabbit holes, whoo. Fuck this maze shit; I’m looking for an expressway or some shit.
There’s a big sign here that says “Expressway.”
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN FEEL THE WIIIND BLOWING THROUGH MY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG BLONDE HAIR. ;D
Actually, I can’t. Speed limit’s 10 miles an hour.
…ah, what the fuck. There’s nobody around.
I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN :DDDDDD
If you were to ask me where the hell I am now, I wouldn’t be able to answer you.
There are some, uh… cats wandering around. Normal cats.
And there’s a green bus right there. Double-decker.
Just sittin’ there, too.
This looks like a baaad neighbourhood.
The houses look like.. giant watermelons, but on fire.
And there’s a guy over there who’s got two heads.
I’m looking for an exit to this rabbit hole.
Mister Two-Head over there’s eating a pumpkin.
Also, I keep going past this street but then I just end up driving right back into it. It’s like an endless loop of this neighbourhood.
I think I’m gonna look around.
Mister Two-Head’s name is Ryan. Ryan Tuhed, actually.
Checking out the watermelon house here. That’s on fire.
Holy shit. You, uh.. you remember that one room, back on the first day of Rapture shit? And there was a room with a TV and a chess table?
Yeah, well… it’s giant now. Like, I’m the size of a cockroach or something.
And also, I’m in it.
It took me five minutes to walk from one end of the room to the other.
Where the hell am I supposed to go?
..there’s an air vent there, except giant.
Finally reached it, and I’m in now. Not sure where I’m going.
Holy fuck I’m in a spaceship.
There’s that Sun of Nothing again, the giant eye.
It’s watching me.
I’m buying some curtains.
I’ve looked all over this little spaceship, and I can’t seem to find any clue as to where I’m supposed to go.
I mean, there’s one locked door, but I doubt the exit’s in there.
Then again, I’ve been wrong before.
Okay, how am I gonna open this goddamn door.
..oh my god duh, crowbar, hello. I’m stupid.
Kay, here goes.
It’s darker than a rat’s ass in there. LET’S DO IT.
I can’t see shit
Took a right. Still not sure where I am.
Nearly fell down something. I’m now crossing a bridge. I think.
Kay, uh.. just hugging the walls now, where do I go.
…I heard a growl. I’m running.
found a crawlspace oh my god hurry
Oh. What. Kay, uh, so this is some sort of..
I think it’s a Metallica concert.
What the hell, let’s watch.
GIMME FUE GIMME FAI GIMME DABAJABAZAH!
Love that part.
..the whole crowd is booing, the entire crowd is booing.
They’re chanting “Frayed Ends of Sanity.”
Over and over.
Holy shit, Metallica’s actually playing it.
I gotta admit, the crowd has good taste. I love this song, nice and progressive when it gets going.
“And Justice For All,” they’re chanting.
And so the band plays it.
They play it.
They play it.
“To Live is to Die.”
Sheesh, why not just ask to play the whole Justice album, guys? It’d be easier.
And so they play it.
Then they go back to “Frayed Ends of Sanity.” o_o
I’m getting out of here.
Holy shit, Neil Peart is out here.
I’m so talking to him.
Neil says this is called the Camper Festival. It happens every day. The crowd forces bands to go up and play their most progressive pieces. Neil says, if they ask for “2112” again, he’s gonna punch a guy in the face.
I asked if he knows the way out. He does, though he can’t take it, himself. Not until Rush has played. It’s out that door right there.
Finally, I asked him if he knows what the hell “Rapture” is.
He stared at me like I was crazy. Then he said “It’s coming.”
On my way out, I saw Peter freaking Gabriel. Of Genesis fame. He told me, first, that “Rapture is coming” (like I didn’t already know), and that Phil’s oddly missing. Phil Collins, that is.
..now I’m going!
This is reality, oh my god finally. Red sky. I seem to be far from Lloret. Good.
I’m fucking starving.
..seriously, a gas station? Where there’s a gas station, there’s food!
Man, I was hungry.
I also decided to look at the list of people to convert.
I’ve converted everyone Mistress told me to. There were only three.
So what do I do now? Do I just head back?
I mean, I suppose.
I imagine getting back will be the fun part.
Okay, I have a plan.
I’m gonna walk along this road until I find a house.
Okay, here’s my plan: I’m gonna rest up long tonight. I have a long journey home ahead of me, and I plan on looking for as many rabbit holes as I can find to make the journey quicker.
So for now, I’m sleeping. Night-night, journal.
We’ll be seeing Donnie soon enough. :3